Chantix Whore

Ten days ago I started taking Chantix, the newest rage in anti-smoking aids. I have to admit that it works pretty well. There are times that I still want cigarettes, but even when I break down and smoke one the immense satisfaction I once felt is just not there. I have not had a puff for six days or something like that, and I intend to be cigarette-free for the rest of my life.

I have been substantially smoke-free only one other time in the past 12 years, and that was when I was pregnant with Ella. Quitting smoking then was easier for me because there was a concrete reason to quit: the baby growing in my belly. My reason for quitting this time around is more nebulous: my health. That may seem crazy to some people, but caring about my health is such a new thing for me. (I mean, I used to be a raver. I cannot think of anything more detrimental to one's health than raving.)

The hardest time for me to not smoke is the morning. As a smoker, I would stumble out from the bedroom, pour a cup of coffee, and immediately go to the front porch where I would smoke my first (and most satisfying) cigarette of the day in the peace and quiet of the woods. It was a nice way to start my day, alone and quiet and caffeinated. Now I forgo the coffee until later (to quell that nicotine urge) and eat breakfast instead. Somehow it is just not as satisfying.

Maybe I need to work on my perspective. Smoking cigarettes was a way for me to get pockets of alone time and quiet in my day, since I smoked outside. Now I need to teach myself how to relax amidst the chaos, something I rarely had to do before.