Our dog Blue has been missing since May 17 and I still cannot let it go. I still think about her every single day, and I have been dreaming these heart-wrenching dreams where I wake up and expect to find her there beside me in the bed. Why am I so torn up over this?
I have decided to renew my search for one more round, this time posting signs that offer a reward for her return. If I don't find her by the end of June, I will have to let it rest. I will have to make my mind stop conjuring up all these awful situations where she is waiting for me to find her. I will have to be comfortable with not ever knowing what happened to one of my best friends, because really, that's what she was. A constant companion and a best friend. 
I was telling my mom about how awful I feel, and this was her reply: "I was walking in the state game lands once and found a dead beagle. It didn't look like it was shot or anything, it just looked like it laid down and died." You might think this is morose, and you might wonder why my mom told me such a fucked-up story when I really didn't need to hear it. But this is my mom's way, always with the gloom and doom.
June 5, 2007
Letting It Go
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2 comments:
i think you mom meant that you don't have to imagine that terrible things happened to blue, but rather she could have died peacefully. however, i imagine her to be running through sunny fields w/ cute children chasing her.
Look at Bonnie with the positive spin! I had never even imagined that my mom was being positive.
Sometimes I think of Blue out there in the wild like a little scout, exploring and chasing wild animals. And most likely killing the wild animals when she caught them. I think that nothing would make her happier.
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